I’ve been pondering lately the interesting dynamic between mood and music, as well as the way music can be used to reinforce certain memories. I have found that I will listen to different types of music according to mood, as well as listening to a certain type of music to reinforce the particular mood I feel like being in. Which for manic-depressive me, often tends toward the depressing/side of things; a funny thing, considering that most of my “episodes” have been of the manic variety in the past few years.

For great depressing lyrics, listen to Alice in Chains. I have always loved their music. The pace of the music also suits me because of my tendency towards hyperactivity. I have to be in a particular state of mind to be able to enjoy the slower-paced songs.

I must have a melodramatic component to my personality as I’ve always been drawn to songs with lyrics or melodies that tend towards the dramatic. Alice in Chains talks a lot about suicide; my newly discovered fondness for Johnny Cash (evidently a large portion of his songs talks about killing people).

Hard as it may be to believe, I also have a healthy dose of the romantic in me, although that part of me does not manifest itself very often. When I’m in one of those moods, I pull out the oldies but goodies. Like Christopher Cross’s “Think of Laura,” .  Or Hall & Oat’s “Sarah Smile” and their “I Can’t Go for That” .

Ok folks, this is the video I have been watching over and over again. It has got to be one of the most haunting and sad songs ever. And yes, one of the few covers that is better and more powerful than the original. This was the song that kept running through my head yesterday as I sat on one of the beaches at Point Reyes National Seashore watching the waves crash against the shore.

Some that I particularly like and have been listening to lately:

 Johnny Cash’s remake of Nine Inch Nail’s “Hurt.”  Especially if you watch the video.  Cash intended it has his own eulogy.  The video is very powerful. 

 The Beatle’s “While My Guitar Gently Weeps.”

Vivaldi’s “Winter” from The Four Seasons.  Masterful!  The speed at which the solo violin is played is a pretty good match for the speed at which my mind races during manic episodes.

 When listening to these songs, I can almost feel like there is a knife twisting in my heart.  I can almost feel a literal pain.  Weird eh?  But I’ve never been accused of lacking imagination.  I guess that is one of the positives about being bipolar: your emotions and moods literally rule you. 

So far, the first couple days of going cold turkey has me experiencing several negative side effects.  I was feeling super jittery for a while, accompanied by the inability to sleep.  I have now resorted to taking an antidepressant (trazadone) that is now more commonly prescribed by psychiatrists as a sleep aid for those with bipolar disorder who have trouble sleeping.  Fortunately, it works great for me.  I am much refreshed this morning.