Hi fellow bipolar sufferers,

I apologize for the lag between my last post and this one.  You know how things go.  I hope I’m not the only BP sufferer who gets on crazed projects then run out of steam mid-project and konk out.  Anyhow, there have been quite a few developments since the last time that I’ve posted.

First off, I am freshly in a relationship, which means that the brain chemistry of yours truly will likely spike and dip even more than usual.  I’ll have to share with you my crazy antics when I have a bit more time to type.  In the meanwhile, on the drugs front, I’m happy to say that I am doing well on my 500 MG of Depakote, which seems to be doing wonders for preventing me from going sky high.  My body has also adjusted to the drug, meaning that I am starting to get my metabolism back.  A bout of food poisoning a couple of weeks ago has helped me to rein in my out of control appetite, meaning that I’ve actually managed to lose some weight!  Whoo-hoo!  I’m exercising very sporadically, but at least I am getting off my tush every once in a while.

The only worrying thing, is that, it appears as if I am unable to sleep on my own without the aid of a sleeping aid.  I’ve learned that sleeping problems plague those with bipolar disorder.  For me, that is definitely the case.  Thank goodness, I can still manage to sleep using trazadone (an older class of antidepressant), and not a “typical” sleeping pill.  The last thing I need is to become dependent on a sleeping aid.

As for my employment front.  I am ashamed to say that I am still very much underemployed and am still waiting to find a position where I will be intellectually challenged.  I’m an attorney working as a paralegal, quite humbling for my ego.

Well, I’m glad to be back, whoever is reading this.

Well fellow travellers, I’ve gone and done it; I’ve decided to get back on my depakote as my psychiatrist (whom I finally confided in, although not wholly, I just told him that I’d gone off the meds since our last visit, when in reality, it had been months) strongly urged me to. 

I am resigned to my weight gain as is par the course for the gosh-darned mood stabilizers that belong in the anti-convulsant category.  Of course I am perfectly aware that I will likely not have the weight-gain issues if I actually got around to working out.  Even though I know what is good for me, what’s the likelihood that I will heed my own intuition?  Next to nada.  The joys of having insight but not the will to do anything about it. 

So, now I am back on my 500mg of Depakote.  Which has immediately cleared my brain quite a bit, and allowed me to do a few hours of honest work at work, which hasn’t happened to me for several weeks.  Meanwhile, I can’t sleep still and my life is otherwise a mess; bills continue to go unpaid (not that I would have the money to pay my bills anyhow if I weren’t so good at avoiding distasteful subjects).

I remember the good old days, before this bipolar thing hit, where my credit score was excellent and I made sure to scrupulously pay all my bills on time; where I would be ultra early to every event.  Now, I don’t think I have one undelinquent bill, and I’m barely if ever on time.  My apartment is in crazy bad condition, and I don’t have the energy to do anything about it.

Good news is that my very own love interest du jour is flying in from New York City.  I am learning how much I can compromise on my heretofore rigid standards; and maybe coming to understand that the standards are inconsequential.  For an interesting take on “settling” read this article on The Atlantic Monthly:  http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200803/single-marry

Hopefully I’ll get the chance to expound further on where I think my relationships are headed at some later point.  Wish me luck though!  I really wish to lead a happy and successful life.  Chances of that remain to be seen.